Dear Old Me

You know all the screams

And your aching dreams

To have peace?

Well, I wanted to tell you,

It’s only fair

She was supposed to nurture,

But we saw her a monster,

She’d play mind games

And cause you pain

Trauma and sheer abuse

A pretty toy to just use

 

She doesn’t live here

she’s not near

I really mean it,

I’m serious!

I know it sounds too

Good to be true,

 

I’m so sorry you had

To go through all the bad

Things in your life,

Your childhood was

Filled with pain and suffocation

I’m so sorry, but your resurrection,

Me,

Did get to see our future

And oh God, I’m sure

You would have been so happy!

We’re free, free! We’re free!

 

Free of the constant abuse

She doesn’t live here,

So I have nothing to fear

Not anymore.

 

The silence you longed for,

Finally, it’s here, no more

Having to plug your ears,

And choke on your tears

every single day, I’m so sorry

 

I know what love is

 

Love is not her eating

Your pain and laughing

Or living off your constant fear

Love is gentle and kind

Love is goodness

Love is even if they make mistakes

You still love them and don’t punish

Love is taking care of yourself too

 

I’m truly sorry,

For how you tried to give up

Many times you’d trip up

Eager to escape life

It’s time I mourned you

It’s my right to,

 

And at the same time,

I’m glad you were not mine

You were not mine to be,

I am stronger, wiser

My faith makes me braver

 

If only you could see,

Life is not for you to shed,

I made it this far, it led

Me to a brighter day

That light they kept taking

From you, and depriving you

Of its possession, yours to keep,

Well, it shines so bright in me

 

I will not let them devour me

I don’t die in silence, I speak

I don’t lie, my truth is loud

I don’t ache, the warmth is sound

 

Dear old me, you used to say,

“Why? I don’t want to live anymore!”

But, I’m showing,

“How? I want to live and be more.”